Real Mature, Universe

Dear Universe,
Are you kidding me??? This economy, Hurricane Irene, new faults being discovered upon surprise earthquakes, these blasphemous gas prices…. the weekend is here. My days of fun are upon me, but the sky looks like a brewing cauldron, and everything fun (and not fun) has been cancelled. I am only complaining from the view from a small pocket of the southeastern United States because I don’t, can’t, watch the news. Sometimes I am feeling not so chic, opposite of fabulous, because Mother Nature is threatening to rip the roof off of my house. I had an awful dream last night that this happened, and I was sucked into a cyclone and all around me, spinning in terrible circles, were single shoes, wildly dancing leggings, and ominous sheer long-sleeved blouses trying to grab at me with their jabbing arms– what a nightmare. When I should be thinking about my loved ones in the face of a natural disaster, here I am dreaming about my closets and dressers (multiple, it’s true) being split open and spilling out into the atmosphere in a tragic horror story. I am terrified! At least, on a brighter note, I know how to make the galaxy’s most alcoholic beverage, ever. Douglas Adams documented this recipe– you may know him as the author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, so he would definitely know. For this, I am comforted, and I will also share with you this gem… but it is probably also fatal and impossible because it requires out-of-this-world ingredients. So here is the earthly version; happy drinking for the weekend! Keep your wellies and life insurance close!

Galaxy’s Most Alcoholic Beverage, Ever (Earth Version)

  •  1 oz. Everclear
  • 4 oz. Bombay Sapphire or Jeremiah Weed
  • 4 oz. Cold Wild Turkey
  • 2 oz. Herredura Tequila
  • 5 oz. Rum (preferably 151, it’s stronger)
  • 1 worm from a bottle of Mezcla
  • 2 oz. Gatorade (I recommend the red kind– more tasteful)
Disclaimer: Drink responsibly, especially with this stiff guy! ZooShoo and affiliates not responsible for fun or accidents resulting from your impossibly strong drink!

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