News flash: summer is long gone, so everyone, take out your moldy feather extensions… please! But, hey, maybe you just got them in a week ago (at a kiosk in the mall). You’re so late on this trend, but it’s ok because it’s never too late to rip them off! The stringy things stick off your head so unnaturally. But wait, my feather extension is a real, all-natural feather feather that came off of a real feather bird. That’s gross! How long have you been wearing that thing? Twenty shampoos and blow dries and nights sleeping on it is twenty shampoos and blow dries and nights too much for that poor bird’s feather to endure your beauty-obsessed, human lifestyle. The feather clip-on versions are far worse (see also: clip-on earrings, clip-on sunglasses). Above all, it looks tacky. Leave it to festival-ling hippies and middle school campers to weave feathers in their hair. You were meant for better things.
FEATHER EXTENSIONS ARE OUT (in fact, they were never in)